


Save My Soul or Lose Control

by Grumpy Gamers and Vibrant Colors (CantolopeJeevas)



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-22 13:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7440478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CantolopeJeevas/pseuds/Grumpy%20Gamers%20and%20Vibrant%20Colors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re all I have left in this crazy world.”</p><p>“Yeah. Same to you, big cat.”</p><p>In which Dan and Arin find themselves on their own during the apocalypse, and they struggle with the effects it has on the both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sky’s as red as Dan’s blood; the clouds, as black as Arin’s. At least, that’s how Dan thinks of it. And it hurts, just a little, because it reminds him of when things weren’t that way. When blood wasn’t as as prevalent in his mind, when it was all cool waters and sunshine and everything a man could ever ask for.

But now the water burns Dan’s throat and the sun is nowhere to be found. And on quiet nights like this, all he has are his thoughts and the sky above him. The sky that is nothing but blood.

A soft rustle. Dan shoots up, splinters from a long-abused bat digging into his hands as he wildly searches for danger.

It’s only Arin, tossing and turning on the hard, dry ground. With a groan he sits up and tries rubbing the fatigue from his eyes. After staring at Dan for a brief moment, he asks, “Jumpy, huh?”

Dan forces himself to relax. Funny, an oxymoron. “Yeah,” he answers, voice hoarse. It makes him wince.

“Me too.” Arin gets to his feet and tries brushing all the dirt off his clothes. But really, it’s an effort in futility.

Man, the two of them are a wreck. Arin’s hair has gotten long, long enough to where Dan can see his blonde streak end several inches from his scalp, and it’s a tangled mess. His clothes have several patches, all sloppily sewn on. And, well…

“Hey, Ar,” Dan calls out. He almost chokes on his words. “You’ve got some, uh…” He points to his own mouth, eyebrows furrowed together in worry.

“Huh? Oh, shit!” Arin pulls a rag from their only backpack. Over the course of their journey it had turned from a pristine white to a mottled gray. Looks like it’ll be one shade darker soon.

“Are you feeling okay?” Dan takes a cautious step closer and unconsciously tightened his grip on his bat.

Arin freezes, rag still to his mouth and eyes wide. For a brief moment, Dan’s heart breaks. He’s being stupid, completely stupid. Overthinking, as usual. His arms fall to his side and he gives Arin an apologetic smile.

Arin shrugs it off, bless his heart. “Yeah, I’m fine. Honestly, I’m more worried about you.” He frowns, looking deep into Dan’s eyes. “Did you rest at all?”

“Of course, man.” Dan tosses his hair back with a crooked smile. “See? Major bedhead.”

Arin cracks a smile of his own, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “You sure?”

Why can’t he be more selfish? It’d be easier on Dan that way. He shrugs and turns his eyes down to an interesting, dried-out plant. “It’s just a bit tough, I guess. Been awhile since we’ve had to live like this.”

“I didn’t ask you to come with me,” Arin argues, sounding more disappointed than bitter. “You could’ve stayed at the commune. They only wanted _me_ gone.”

Dan feels that a long time ago, he would’ve been able to dish out a witty response, something that would lighten the mood just a bit. But at that moment, he can only sigh out a barely audible “I know”. Because of course he _could_ have stayed, found a new home among other people, salvaged what he could from his old life and moved on. He could’ve, but then he might as well have been shitting on everything he loves dearly. Of which only Arin remains.

Nausea washes over him.

A water bottle is practically shoved in his face. He stares at it wide-eyed before leaning away and shaking his head. “Nah, dude. You need that a lot more than me.”

Arin frowns, but it wasn’t one of his usual frowns. It’s one Dan has never seen before, but he doesn’t have long to think about it before the bottle is in his face again. “Just take the damn water, man. I don’t want your stank ass evaporating out here.”

“Such a charmer,” Dan mutters with half-assed annoyance, rolling his eyes for good measure. “You treat all your partners like this?”

There’s a moment of silence, and Dan nearly kicks himself for his carelessness. Why the fuck would he ask something as insensitive as that? If Arin kills him, then he’d totally understand.

“No, babe,” Arin finally says with a lopsided smile, voice heavy. “Only you.”

Dan takes the water from him, barely holding back a snort. He raises the bottle to his lips, then stops for a brief second to examine it. No clinging black drops. Bottom’s up. He can feel Arin’s eyes on him as he takes slow, calculated sips. With a hum of satisfaction he returns the bottle to Arin, only quirking an eyebrow at the strange look on his face.

He gets no response.

With the water packed away, and all other rations accounted for, Arin decides he’s had enough of the waking world and tries his hand at sleeping again. Dan sits next to him, keenly watching as restless fidgeting soon gives way to peace.

The hot wind picks up just a bit and makes Dan’s hair its personal plaything, much to his dismay. It keeps getting in his eyes, distracting him from his self-proclaimed guard duty. Everytime he pushes it back, he recoils at the grease and dirt stuck to it. It’s really fucking gross.

Thoughts of the commune fill his mind. They had running water. Sure, he needed a ticket to get a turn in the showers, but it was still there. And an almost fresh supply of food, stored safely away without risk of infestation.

All that, and they only asked for one thing in return: do your part to help. For Dan and Arin, that had meant patrol duty.

For several hours a day they went out with various weapons, patrolling the area surrounding the compound for Damned: the reason for this whole nightmare. They were expected to pick any off from afar, or, failing that, to report directly to the compound as soon as one was spotted. When they were first given their duty, they had been told one, crucial detail.

“Remember this,” the woman had said, voice as sharp as the knife at her hip. “They are fast. And they will come after you if they see you. Do not let them close.” Dan will never forget the look in her eyes. One of remorse, longing, and rage all rolled up into one steely glare. “If even a single drop of their fluid touches your skin, you’re as good as dead.”

Arin nodded like a bobble-head while Dan could only stare. A chill had run down his spine, but he didn’t know why at that moment.

Maybe he should’ve followed his gut and high-tailed it out of there with Arin.

God, he wants to scream. Everything is so fucking unfair, so _wrong_. He looks around. Where did all the trees go? They were all toppled over in an unholy explosion, leaving just a few standing tall. But those will fall soon enough, just like everything else. Why is the sky red? Because the world is cursed, the people are cursed, all is forsaken.

A jolt goes through his heart. No, no, no, there’s still hope. There has to be. He takes a deep breath. In- the scent of ash and decay fills his lungs. It doesn’t bother him anymore. Out.

He wants to sing. Music comforts him in ways he can’t explain. With just a song he can lose himself and forget the complete shithole that is his world. But his throat hurts, his eyelids are heavy, and Arin wouldn’t appreciate being woken up after only a few short minutes.

Some other time, then.

* * *

Before he can even count the seconds of blissful darkness, he feels himself being shaken into awareness. He groans and blearily rubs his eyes. After several blinks, he finds himself greeted by Arin’s smiling face and a brighter red sky behind him.

“Glad you’re awake. Any longer and I would’ve had to kiss you.”

The implication of that nearly stops Dan’s heart, for more reason than one. Sure, a little kissing between bros is cool, but does Arin realize what that would do?

Well, apparently so because his eyebrows furrow together and his mouth draws into a straight line. “Get up. We gotta go.”

It doesn’t take long for Dan to get ready. There isn’t really much he can do besides stand and maybe stretch a little. As he does that, Arin goes about looking through their supplies, checking and rechecking that everything is in order.

Once they’re both done, they set off, heading east with the help of a trusty compass. They have long entered the flat grasslands of the midwest.

All they’ve done since they left the compound is walk. For miles. Endless, endless miles. Dan looks to the horizon and only sees more miles that they’ll cover, with no destination in sight. But it’s safe. The cities- they’re dangerous. Overrun with the Damned, falling apart at the seams, making it too difficult to protect Arin.

Speaking of, Arin decides right then and there to start singing. Silence isn’t doing it for him, Dan guesses. His voice is low, and soft, almost smothered by the wind. “ _When the last eagle flies over the last crumbling mountain…_ ”

Dan doesn’t interrupt him. He doesn’t even hum along. But the song stirs something in him, a hot geyser deep in his chest that almost springs up to his eyes. He listens intently all the way through, even as Arin fumbles over some of the lyrics. Then he asks, “Dude, really?”

“What?” Arin sounds defensive as he gives Dan the side-eye. “Thought you liked that song.”

“I do. It’s just…” Too fitting, too hopeful, too personal for the situation. It reminds him too much of good times that will never come back. He shakes his head. “I dunno. An odd choice.”

Arin shrugs. “It reminds me of you. You’re all I have left in this crazy world.” There’s a smile on his face, equal parts humor and mourning.

Dan smiles back. “Yeah. Same to you, big cat.”

There’s a brief moment where Dan thinks that something will happen. A sudden attack, a flood of black fluid pouring from Arin’s mouth. Or something a little more positive. Arin leaning in, eyes half-hooded, mouth slightly open. That image in his head turns to Arin baring his teeth- too sharp, too long for his mouth, dripping with blood, waiting to tear and _bite_ -

Arin’s voice breaks him out of that line of thought.

“You hungry, man? ‘Cause I’m starving.”

Yeah, what a great thing to say at that moment. Dan hides his worry with a casual grin. “I could eat.”

So they sit down and take a rest, much to the gratitude of Dan’s sore legs. Arin goes through their pack and pulls out two granola bars. One from him and one for Dan.

When was the last time they had eaten something other than granola? Right before the incident. The one that got Arin… Well, in the state that he’s in. It was a simple breakfast: toast with jam. But it was delicious, even more so in hindsight. They would’ve eaten more, but they had patrol duty first thing. A completely full stomach would’ve been detrimental.

It had started off so well. The air was relatively cool, the wind had died down a bit, the clouds weren’t as heavy as usual. Dan easily closed his eyes and pretended that he was back home. He had gotten ahead of Arin, and he only snapped into awareness when he was called to wait up.

When Dan opened his eyes and turned toward Arin, he saw it. One of the Damned. Worse than stories described. Larger, more terrifying with its knife-like teeth, torn flesh, bone jutting out all over the place. And it was right behind Arin, _right behind him_ , Dan just had to do something, had to save him.

But he was too late.

Dan has to calm himself. The past is the past, and its best left there. Arin is safe now, he has to remind himself. Completely safe.

Halfway through their rather pitiful meal Arin asks, “Hey, can you tell me about everyone again?”

Dan’s mouth goes dry. But he has to keep calm. “Who’d you forget this time?”

“No one,” Arin hisses vehemently, face screwed up. Then he takes several deep breaths. One. Two. Three. Easy. “Just tell me about them,” he says, more calm this time. “Please?”

“Okay.” Dan takes another bite of his bar and chews slowly to buy himself some thinking time. “Let’s see, there’s Suzy. Your wife.”

Arin nods, eyes growing a bit warmer. He remembers Suzy. Good.

“She’s all about that makeup and cool goth stuff. Like black dresses, and taxidermy and shit, you know?” Dan can almost see her there, smiling. Her smile could light up a room. God, he misses her. “She’s pretty much your soul mate.”

The words quickly start flowing out of his mouth, like a practiced speech. “Barry’s a really cool dude. And he’s just so nice too, you know? Probably the nicest out of all of us. Like a big cuddly bear. But he’s also got a bit of sass to him.”

Arin nods again. There’s a relaxed smile on his face.

“Brian’s the smartest guy I know. And one of the funniest. But goddamn, does he like to mess with people.” Dan wouldn’t admit it, but he’d give anything to have Brian there with them, even if it meant listening to him read _The Beej_ until time’s end.

Is that a laugh? Good. Next person.

“Ross, he’s our resident sadist. Remember Mario Maker? God, that was fucking awful. And you were so pissed that he put in secrets. You called them cheats.” Dan laughs quietly. “He’s not all bad, though. Beneath that awful, terrible, asshole exterior is a good heart.”

Arin only stares at him, like a deer caught in the headlights.

Dan doesn’t mention it. But he does tighten the grip on his bat. Just to be safe. “He’s Australian. Well, he was born in Australia, but his parents are Irish or something. And he’s got really pretty eyes, very blue. Like how the sky used to be.”

As he rambles on and on about Ross, he can see Arin’s lips moving, trying to imprint every detail in his memory. Dan can’t help but wonder, who will Arin forget next? What happens after everyone’s erased from his mind?

He knows the answers. His hand throbs in protest, but he has to make sure he has a good hold, a  strong swing. Just in case.

Well, there goes his appetite.

Still, he keeps going until he’s talked about everyone. Vernon, Mark, Jack, Holly, the list goes on. When it’s all done, Arin sighs.

“Wow,” he says under his breath. Dan can’t tell if that’s a good sign or a bad one. “I think… I think it’s getting worse, man.” He looks at Dan desperately, eyes brimming with tears. “I fucking forgot Ross.” A sob escapes him. “Ross, man! I’ve known him for so long! So fucking long! And I forgot him!”

Dan risks moving closer and slings an arm around Arin’s shoulders. The bat stays in his opposite hand. “I know,” he soothes, “I know. But you’re gonna get better, man. We’re gonna find a cure, and you’ll get better.”

Arin merely curls in on himself, body shaking from everything that he’s holding back. “What if I don’t?” His voice is brittle, like him, so close to breaking. “The only way I can go is down, Dan. And I don’t want you to suffer through that.”

Again, things would be easier if Arin was selfish. “Don’t talk like that,” Dan softly orders. He’s the safe port to Arin’s troubled waters, the solid ground to his storm. “I’ve got you, Arin. And I’m never gonna let you get worse, you hear me? Never.” He moves in closer so that he’s pressed flush against Arin’s side. “Don’t get all strung up about forgetting. I’ll be your memory.”

With a loud cry Arin turns toward him, burying his face in Dan’s raggedy shirt. All Dan can do at this point is use the standard mother’s trick for calming someone down: rub his back and softly sing. Even if it hurts his dry throat and makes him want to cry too.

* * *

“Dan! Come over here, there’s something you gotta see!”

“Dude, this is the first time I’ve bathed since we left! If you got something you gotta show me, _you_ come over _here_!”

By some stroke of luck they had managed to find a pond. One filled with fresh, clean water instead of bile and acid and all that good stuff sure to get rid of any skin problem. They had taken care of their clothes first, cleaning the sweat and dirt out of them on opposite ends of the pond, never looking up at the other. Because even during the apocalypse they had to maintain some sort of semblance of no homo.

Once their clothes were all done, they left them to dry and dived in for a nice, relaxing soak.

Dan glances over at Arin, whose slowly wading his way across the pond to him. There’s certainly a healthy coloring to him. His eyes are dark and warm, and he doesn’t seem as pale as usual. “Asshole,” he says with a teasing smile. “You could’ve at least met me halfway.”

With a shrug and soft laugh Dan replies, “Well, I was feeling lazy. Sue me.”

“Whatever. Anyway, back to what’s important.” Arin’s face light up in a way Dan hasn’t seen since before everything went to hell. “Look down.”

Dan eyes him suspiciously. “If this is something you’re doing to relive the D-Club experience, I’m not falling for it again.”

“No, ya dingus, look at my scar.”

Right. The scar. He hates being reminded of it. It’s like one of those ribbons kids would get at the science fair if they didn’t win. Award for Participation. Still, he glances down at Arin’s stomach and takes in the dark, ragged slice that covers most of it.

Well, that certainly is weird. Usually it’s a dark gray color, almost black. But now it seems like it’s almost normal.

“Isn’t this great?” Arin asks. He’s like a kid on Christmas. “I’m getting better, man. You were right!”

“Of course I was,” Dan says with false confidence. Really, this turnout shocked him as much as it did Arin. He scoffs and sticks his nose snootily in the air. “I can’t believe you didn’t trust me.”

There’s a moment of silence. Dan turns and opens his mouth to add another comment, but he’s overtaken by a large splash of water. “Jesus, man!” he chastises spitting it all out. “That water’s touched your dick!”

“It’s touched you dick too,” Arin counters, barely holding back a snicker. “Next step: we cut out the water and get right to a hot beej.”

Dan rolls his eyes. But instead of countering verbally, he gives Arin a wicked grin and sweeps his arm across the top of the water. As Arin sputters and curses, Dan giggles and back away, going on the defensive. “Sorry, but revenge is sweet.”

A predatory look crosses Arin’s face. Something about it gives Dan the heebie jeebies. But it’s all just play, right?

“Oh, it’s on,” Arin all but growls, moving in quicker than Dan anticipated.

Much to Dan’s relief, Arin’s just really into splash fights. They go at it without mercy, taking turns being soaked to the bone. But Arin, the cheater, also decides to actually dive under and brush against Dan’s legs in a sure-fire way to scare him out of the water. When Dan yelps and kicks at him, Arin surfaces and almost swallows water laughing.

“It’s not like there’s a shark in here,” Arin says between breaths, holding his sides.

The words slip out of Dan’s mouth before he can stop them.

“There might as well be.”

Arin immediately sobers up. The look on his face os one of pure shock. He then looks off to the side and forces out a chuckle. “Yeah. Better watch out before I get ya.”

Awkwardness settles between them. Dan rubs his arm, feeling guilt weigh heavily on his gut. “Hey, uh,” he manages to get out, “our clothes are probably dry. Think we should move on?”

Wordlessly, Arin nods, and they make their way out of the pond. Like a dog they try shaking of all the water clinging desperately to them, but it’s an effort in futility. So they just put on their clothes and deal with it, heading east once more.

The silence sticks with them, forcing Dan to use his imagination to fill the void. All he can think about is the scar. And how Arin got it.

Dan had tried to warn him, he truly did. But he couldn’t get it out, not it time. Arin had turned around just as the Damned struck. There was blood, such a sickening red, too much of it. Dan’s hands fumbled with his gun.

The first shot missed. The creature raised its claw again, ready to finish Arin off. Dan fired again, but he fucking missed, and if the situation weren’t so dire he would’ve laughed his ass off. Arin was dying, _about to be slaughtered_ , and all he could think about were stupid jokes from long ago.

Black fluid dripped directly onto Arin’s wound. The scream that tore out of his throat forced Dan into action. Three shots, directly into the Damned’s skull. It toppled back and landed with a loud _thud_.

Dan immediately rushed to Arin’s side. But he had to stop, because now all that blood was black. Like the blood of the Damned. And it moved on its own, flowing back into Arin’s body as if the whole scene was on rewind. Then the wound closed up, leaving only that horrid scar in its place.

“Hey, Dan?” Arin calls out from behind him, halting his flashback. He doesn’t sound well. “Can we take a quick break?”

“We just got started, dude,” Dan says. “Let’s just get a little farther, then we can, okay?” He spins around real quick to give him some encouragement, and blanches at what he sees. “Oh my god!”

Arin’s blood is everywhere, leaking from his mouth, his nose, his eyes. His skin his slate gray, like a corpse. “Just for a minute… Please, Dan?”

“Sure, buddy.” Dan keeps his tone soft and soothing as he circles in and gets the backpack off Arin. “Just lay down, okay? Take it easy.”

Arin follows those directions with a soft hum, eyes barely able to stay open. Gravity tugs on the fluid, pulling it down toward Arin’s clean hair.

Dan opens the pouch that contains Arin’s rag and turns it toward him. “Hey, you might wanna wipe off your face. You’ve got a little bit of…” The word gets stuck in his throat. “You know.” Guilt curls up in his stomach. If the circumstances were different, he would’ve done it for him.

By the time Arin’s done, the rag is completely soaked. There’s a certain point where all it does is smear inside of actually wipe up, but Dan doesn’t say anything.

“Did I get it?” Arin mumbles. He’s struggling to stay awake.

“Yeah, big cat.” Dan kneels down by his side. “Anything I can get you? Food? Water?”

“Suzy,” Arin says. His eyes are glazed over, like he’s not completely there, but somewhere far away. Somewhere that Dan would probably kill to be. “I wanna see Suzy.”

“I…” Dan slowly shakes his head, eyes wide and pleading. “I don’t think I can do that.”

Arin moans in pain. His eyes flutter shut as his head turns back and forth. “Suzy… Please…”

“Just hold on,” Dan says, and his chest hurts because of how fast his heart is racing. “You’ll see her, big cat. Just stay awake for me, okay?”

“Dan…” Arin’s hand reaches out toward him, and Dan notices for the first time just how shaky he is, barely able to manage that simple action.

“I’m here,” Dan assures, grabbing Arin’s hand and pressing the palm against his cheek. Maybe the scruffiness of his face will help Arin ground himself in reality. “See?”

Arin doesn’t respond, but he does seem to calm down a bit. Dan keeps talking to him, rambling on and on about whatever comes to mind. He stops every so often just to make sure Arin’s awake and to ask him again if he needs anything.

But the only things Arin asks for, Dan can’t provide.

* * *

They don’t talk about Arin’s delirious state at all the day after. Whether it’s because Arin forgot about it or he just doesn’t want to bring it up, Dan hasn’t a clue. Doesn’t matter, because he’s cool with avoiding the topic. Besides, there are other gut-wrenching subjects for Arin to bring up and unknowingly torture him with.

“Hey, Dan,” Arin says quietly, eyes glued to the soft patch of dirt he’s drawing in. “Do you remember, the uh… The incident?”

Many different _incidents_ flash through Dan’s head at once. “Which one?”

“The big one.”

Dan sighs and tries to reach back in his memory. “Kinda? I mean, things are a bit fuzzy. But I guess I remember all the important shit.” He glances at Arin, who has yet to look up. “Why?”

Arin’s lips pull up into a wry smile. “Just testing my memory.”

Something in Dan’s stomach churns. “Oh,” he says lamely while trying to think of something more positive to talk about. Arin ruins that for him.

“What happened after I was attacked? Like, right after.”

“Dude, you already know. I took you back to the compound, then we got sent off.”

“You’re sure that’s it?” Arin’s looking at him now, eyes searching Dan’s face. “They didn’t… Talk to you or anything while I was out?”

“I mean, of course they did.” Dan sighs and runs a hand through his hair. There are so many things he wants to say. But it’s not the right time. Probably never would be. “Like, they asked what happened and shit. And I told them.”

“Okay.” Arin takes a deep breath. Dan already knows what’s coming next. “Now are you sure-”

“Yes! That’s it! All that happened! Nothing else!” He feels sick. Like he needs to run far, far away. Or just start swinging. Feel the crack of skull against wood, finally feel completely safe. Those feelings are in a vat that he keeps locked up tightly, because hell would break loose again if he let it out.

Arin’s never going to know that they wanted him dead, right then and there. That Dan had to beg for his life. That he heard many different stories about how Arin would succumb to the blood. He doesn’t _need_ to know.

“Jeez, okay,” Arin mumbles, hurt. His dirt doodle is scratched out. “Sorry for pushing.”

Dan doesn’t say anything at first. Only bile would come out if he opened his mouth. What the hell has gotten into him?

Arin fills the silence, as he is wont to do. “Why do you think this happened?” He waves a hand to the barren land around them. “I mean, all we know is that there was an explosion. Is it demons? Science gone wrong? What?”

“I dunno,” Dan says uselessly. Talking about the greater picture always made things less personal. Easier to deal with. “I mean, we have the Damned. But the compound was also a fairly religious place.”

“Either way, I’m pretty sure we did this to ourselves.”

“Oh?”

“It’s like,” Arin’s voice goes into that ranting tone that Dan’s so familiar with, “we _had_ to have caused this. Demons? They came here because we’re all sinners or some shit. Science? Then fucking obviously someone got too cocky and mixed the wrong chemicals together.”

Dan shrugs. “I mean, demons are notorious assholes. And you can’t blame our whole species for the mistakes of, like, five people. Especially since this whole thing’s hypothetical.”

That flips Arin’s switch. “Okay, Mr. Wise-Guy,” he retorts, pointing his stick at Dan with a great flourish. “What do _you_ think happened?”

“Look, you can’t go through this expecting to find answers.” Dan looks out to the horizon, where the sky almost blends into the land. “We just have to keep moving forward. Don’t let anything distract us. Because really, we’ve got better to do.”

“You’re just avoiding the question.”

True, but Dan won’t admit that. He’s scared of not knowing, like Arin surely is, but he also does have more important things on his mind. “Nah, man. I’m just telling it like it is. Goal number one is to find a cure. I don’t care about anything else.”

There’s a moment of silence where, if Dan hadn’t been glancing over at Arin every minute or so, he would’ve thought he’d fallen asleep. But no, Arin’s just in deep thought. Eyebrows furrowed, a slight squint, the patterns in the dirt devolving from something recognizable to sheer madness. What Dan would give to just see what was going through his mind.

Well, given his state, he’d probably pass.

“So you’re sure that there’s a cure?” Arin asks softly, still not quite out of his head.

“Yup. Rumor has it that there’s some sort of doctor who’s been holed up somewhere in the midwest, and that he’s found some antidote or something.”

“What if he doesn’t have it?”

“Then we keep looking,” Dan answers simply.

“But we’re running low on food,” Arin counters, eyes sharp. He’s giving a warning.

“We’ll be fine.” Dan smiles, and he can’t help but wonder what he looks like right now, all messed up, covered in dirt, still smiling despite it all. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

What Arin says is almost out of left field. “You need to take care of yourself.”

Dan glances at him, and winces at how serious Arin looks. It’s the same expression he has when he finds out Dan hasn’t slept or eaten in awhile. Not to be trifled with, not at all.

“Fine,” he concedes. There’s no point in getting into an argument. Not this late.

“Another question,” Arin says before letting out a huge yawn. “What if the guy _does_ have some cure?” He lays back, arms crossed behind his head to provide cushioning. “What’re we gonna do then?”

“Find another compound, probably.” As Dan talks, his voice grows softer, hopefully soothing Arin to sleep. “And once we get there we’ll start all over again. New people, new hope. But we’ll have to try getting out of patrol duty. Maybe we can guard the storehouse. And we’ll have to actually decorate our new place, paint the walls or something.”

The soft, slow breathing of a man asleep cues him to stop. Yet he’s swept up in his own fantasy.

“After some time at the new place, who knows? Maybe we’ll be able to find some animals. When things are fixed. A couple cats, like you used to have. I’m down with that. Or maybe we’ll have to invent new animals. I don’t fuckin’ know. But I’ll make sure we get the fluffiest ones.”

A snore snaps him out of his reverie, and he realizes that he’s been talking to no one. Well, with Arin sound asleep, he can finally do something he’s been wanting to do for a little while- ever since they left the pond.

For a brief second he presses the pad of his thumb against his lips, then digs his teeth into his own flesh. The pain is sharp, driving off all drowsiness. When he pulls it away and sees the red streams of human blood flowing out of his wound, he breathes a sigh of relief.

Those thoughts earlier had scared him. So violent, so real. The need to fight and run almost overpowered all rationality. And why? Because he’s scared of his best friend? Because a part of him doesn’t see Arin as his friend, but as a demon that’s merely wearing his skin? It’s sickening.

Maybe Dan’s becoming a different kind of monster.

* * *

First thing in the morning Dan offers Arin a granola bar as he wipes his mouth with his rag. “Hungry?”

Arin gives him a steely, sidelong glare. “No.”

“Uh…” Looking away, Dan gestures toward the pack. “Water, then?”

“No.”

The silence is tense as Dan awkwardly shuffles away and leaves Arin to mope. Something is making him act oddly. What is it? The blood? Maybe he’s just feeling depressed? Dan wants to ask, but the risk creates a knot in his stomach. Silence pervades even as they start off, heading towards the horizon once more.

Clouds begin to roll in right as Dan feels like they’re approaching something big. He doesn’t know what exactly, but it must be good. Crazy scientist living on his own good. _Cure_ good. And maybe they’d get some extra food, but if not, then whatever. As long as Arin’s okay. And he will be.

They see a small wooden sign in a distance. The wind picks up, almost tearing it out of the ground, but they manage to get close enough to read it. “ _Infected welcome. Walk straight for ten miles._ ”

“Dude,” Dan says, feeling pumped, “I think this is it! The guy’s real! We found him!”

Arin’s silent, burning holes into the ground with the sheer heat of his stare. When he turns his gaze up, Dan actually flinches. “Why do you want to get me cured so badly?”

“Because you’ll be happier once you don’t have to worry about it,” Dan answers softly. His tongue feels heavy, like he’s speaking a foreign language.

“I never worry about it.” Arin narrows his eyes suspiciously. “It’s always been you. _You_ worry about finding a cure. _You_ worry when blood starts pouring out of my mouth. _You_ worry when I get a little angry. It’s always you. Not me.”

Dan just stares at him. That can’t be right. Surely Arin’s shown some concern for being infected. Not a single instance came to mind, but that didn’t prove anything.

Arin continues on, his voice containing a little more bite, “I care about everyone I love. You remember them, right? Suzy, Ross, Barry, Brian. And there’s a hell of a lot more.”

“Where are you going with this?” Dan manages to ask. His hands are starting to shake, barely able to hold onto his bat.

“I’m just saying that you haven’t brought them up unless I asked you to.” Arin’s tone shifts from an accusatory soft to an outraged yell. “Not even once! It’s like you don’t even give a damn about them!”

Heat rises up in Dan’s chest. “Look, man, you don’t know what I’m going through, okay? It’s hard for me to think about them.”

The distance between them closes. Arin’s in his face, teeth gnashing uncomfortably close. “You think it’s hard for you? It’s fucking hard for _me_! I lost almost everyone that I love!”

Those words fall on deaf ears. All Dan can hear is his own screaming, crying, begging for his life to be spared by his best friend. All he can see is his own blood dripping from Arin’s mouth, red mixing with black to create something muddied and unholy.

He doesn’t realize that his body acts on its own, raising the bat up high above his head. All the noise stops. For a moment he can think clearly. This is fucking insane. They shouldn’t be attacking each other. Not now, when they’re so close.

Arin’s frozen, fearful. His eyes are glued upward, like a sinner waiting for penance from God. “Holy shit,” he mumbles. “You’re about to kill me.”

“No, I’m just…” Dan doesn’t know how to justify himself. There’s really no excuse.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Arin’s heated. Face red, eyes scorching. “You think I’m a goddamn monster.”

“Arin, stop, that’s not-”

“Don’t bullshit me!” Arin storms off, stopping several feet away so he can pace. “I should’ve seen it sooner. You try not to sleep. You don’t like eating or drinking after me. You always carry that fucking bat with you.”

“Just listen for one fucking sec-”

Arin stops dead in his tracks. “No! I’m tired of listening! All I fucking do is listen!” His voice cracks, but that doesn’t stop him. “It hurts, Dan! The only person I have left thinks I’m a bloodthirsty killer!”

“What would you do in my position?” Dan can feel his blood boiling, but he has to hold on to the part of him that isn’t exhausted. To the part that’s strong enough to deal with this. “I mean, you’d be scared of me too if fluid leaked out of my mouth everyday and I started forgetting important things.”

“But I wouldn’t be ready to attack you at every goddamn second!”

Dan snaps at him, “You can’t blame me for being scared! I don’t want to be killed or infected, and you wouldn’t either!”

Something about Arin changes in that instant. Like the very core of who he is. It’s prevalent in his eyes and the way his lips pull back into a silent snarl. Dan sees his teeth _grow_ , and he isn’t sure if it’s real or just a figment of his imagination.

A large weight runs into him, knocking him on his back. He raises his bat to hit it, but his hand is pinned down. Fingers wrap around his throat and squeeze every last breath out of him.

“You don’t want to be killed, huh?” Arin says. His voice is low, garbled, like an animal trying to speak. “Not everyone gets what they want, Dan.”

Words can’t get passed Arin’s grip. As much as Dan struggles, there’s no way he can break free. Arin’s pretty much turned at this point. Nothing left to do but accept his fate. So he goes limp, focusing on Arin’s face as a black haze creeps along the edge of his vision. He has many regrets with his life choices, but there’s at least one he can take care of before he goes.

Dan reaches up and hooks his hand around the back of Arin’s neck. Then their lips meet, and he doesn’t care about the sharpness he feels or the way his head is swimming from lack of oxygen. Fuck it, he’s gonna die anyway.

Arin’s off of him, nearly yanking Dan’s arm out in his haste to scramble back. Dan gulps in precious air and nearly chokes on his own spit. Everything hurts. His heart’s beating too fast and his head is throbbing. He simply lays there and waits, because Arin’s surely going to finish him off now.

Nothing happens. Dan stares up at the sky, waiting for the final blow, but it never comes. He sits up, looking around for Arin.

There’s no sign of him.

“Arin?” Dan calls out, voice even more rough than usual. It feels like his vocal cords are being torn apart, but it doesn’t matter. “Arin! Get your ass back here!”

With shaky legs he stands, and almost gets toppled over by a gust of wind. Step by step he moves forward, because his only lead is ten miles straight ahead. Arin probably regained his senses- he didn’t murder Dan, after all- so maybe he’s going to get the cure.

Dan sure hopes so. He doesn’t know how long he can stand to be on his own.

* * *

Ten miles is a long way. Dan’s never realized it before, but now, with his sore legs and burning lungs, it’s extremely obvious. As soon as he feels able to he runs. Each step hurts, but he doesn’t stop. Not until he reaches an ominous, broken down house with only one good thing in sight.

“Arin!” Dan kicks it up a notch, bulleting forward with no intention to stop. Luckily Arin’s able to hold his ground as Dan crashes into him, arms entrapping him so he can’t run off again. God, Dan must look abysmal right now. His throat stings and is no doubt bruised. His legs are almost stinging from all the stress they’ve been put through. Hell, he’s even pretty sure that his mouth is all sorts of torn up.

“Dan,” Arin sounds a bit choked up, “you should’ve stayed put.”

“Shut up, you fucking asshole,” Dan says almost lovingly. As pissed as he is that Arin abandoned him, he can’t be any happier now that they’re back together.

“I’m serious. Do you realize how close I was to killing you?”

Dan doesn’t have a witty remark to fire back with. His eyes are glued to Arin’s lips. There’s red blood smeared onto them. Is that his?

Arin steps back. “Look, man, I know I’m super kissable- even as a terrifying hell-beast- but we really need to talk about things.”

Well, shit. He was kind of hoping that Arin was too far out of it to remember. “Okay, I know it’s weird,” he tries to argue. “But I just- I dunno, man. We’ve been through so much together. And I’ve gotten over my whole no homo thing, and I thought I was going to die, so…”

“So you thought the best thing to do was mack on your soon-to-be killer?”

Dan just shrugs sheepishly, because it does sound really stupid. And the look Arin’s giving him sure does make him feel like a scolded kid. “Just ‘cause you can kill me in a split second doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Just means that you scare me a little.” He looks off to the side and rubs his arm. “Well, a lot. Sorry for being all jumpy and shit.”

Arin lets out a small, exasperated sigh. “Don’t be. It’s my fault for letting it get the best of me. Honestly, I’d rather you kill me than have it the other way around.” 

There’s a brief moment of silence, not long enough for Dan to gather his thoughts and get a word in.

“Anyway,” Arin continues, “we’ve got more important things to focus on.” He turns toward the building and watches the door as if he’s expecting it to attack him. “Not gonna lie, I’m kinda scared of going in.”

“Hey, no need to worry.” Dan sidles up to him so that they’re standing side by side. Like they’re meant to. Facing all sorts of uncertainty with huge smiles because they’ve got each other. “I’ve got your back, big cat.”

When Arin gingerly grabs a hold of his hand and laces their fingers together, Dan nearly jumps. _Run, run, run,_ his heart beats, but his brain tells him to stay still.

“And I’ve got yours, sexy kitten,” Arin says. There’s a playful smile on his face and unwavering sincerity in his eyes.

Dan snorts. “You fucking dork. C’mon.”

Together they approach the door, hesitating only a moment before Arin knocks three times. They wait there patiently for several minutes. The wind dies down a bit. The clouds grow thicker. But nothing else happens.

“Maybe we should leave,” Arin says with a great sigh. “I mean, they’re probably dead or something.”

“No.” Dan steps forward and messes with the knob. It’s locked. “I’m not giving up on you, man. The cure’s here, and we’re gonna find it.” With all the strength he can muster he rams into the door with his shoulder. It gives way, sending him onto the floor gracelessly.

“Holy shit, dude.” Arin helps him to his feet. “Didn’t know you were fucking jacked enough to do that.”

“Yeah, well, you’ll get to learn how jacked I am later.” He grins at Arin and puts up his best flirty tone. “It’ll be a _hands on_ lesson.”

Arin’s probably considering dropping him, but he thankfully just rolls his eyes instead. “And you call me a fucking dork.”

They make their way through the house, hands practically glued together. Not a single nook or cranny is left unsearched. But there’s no sign of life. They come across a dark, seemingly endless stairway, almost exactly like what they’d find in a horror game. With no other options, they go down.

Not a word is spoken between them. Arin’s hand feels unusually cold in Dan’s, almost like ice. He gives it a squeeze when shadows jump across the corners of his vision. A squeeze back calms him.

At the end, all they see is a bloodbath. Dark splatters stain the floor like modern art. Dan has to cover his mouth to keep his lunch down. The smell is strong enough to make him never want to eat again.

Arin lets go of his hand- leaving it somehow colder- and steps forward wordlessly, entranced by something unseen.

“Dude, this isn’t a good idea,” Dan says while looking around. “Let’s get out of here.”

As soon as those words leave his mouth a low growl comes from the darkness. There’s no time to react before a Damned shoots out toward him, jaws wide open to tear into him. He can’t move, his brain has gone haywire, forcing him to relive his worst memory.

Arin pulls him out of the way just in time and snarls at the beast. What happens next is all a blur. There’s a lot of noise, terrible screeching and the distinct tearing of flesh. Black blood flies everywhere- it’s a miracle none of it lands on Dan in his hazy state.

When it’s all said and done Dan comes to, blinking several times to focus on the scene before him. There’s Arin, soaked with blood, eyes dead, skin gray, teeth protruding from his mouth like a piranha. And he’s stalking closer, ever so slowly, sizing him up before the kill.

“Calm the fuck down,” Dan says in a hasty, desperate whisper. “You’re not one of them, man! You’re a goddamn human being! Now act like it for fuck’s sake!”

He just keeps getting closer and closer, emitting a low growl all the while.

“C’mon,” Dan’s voice is shaky at best. “It’s me. Your best friend, and maybe something else? I dunno, we never really worked that out.”

Arin finally stops. Yet the growling is as strong as ever.

“You have to remember.” It’s risky, but Dan moves closer, inch by inch. “I’m the not-so-grump to your grump. We made Starbomb with Brian. We played video games and made dick jokes for a living before all this shit happened.”

No response.

“There’s a song,” Dan says as a last ditch effort, “that you said reminds you of me. Remember? It’s from my favorite movie.” He swallows thickly, then takes a deep breath. “ _When the last eagle flies over the last crumbling mountain…_ ”

Humanity returns to Arin’s eyes. He blinks slowly, like he’s waking up from a nap.

Dan holds his arms wide open, beckoning Arin closer. “ _And the last lion roars at the last dusty fountain…_ ”

His movements are slow and clumsy. And it’s sickening seeing how nothing else is going back to how it should be. But Arin’s still in there, he just has to be.

“ _In the shadow of the forest, though she may be old and worn…_ ”

Arin finally makes it, slumping against him with a low hum.

Oh, god. It hits him, just how far Arin is gone. He can feel the edge of sharp teeth against his neck, feel the cold of his body, hear the beast trying to escape. There’s also another voice, one that’s distinctly Arin’s, ordering him to take the opportunity while it’s still there. To be selfish for once and save himself.

Dan pulls away, leaving Arin to stare at him with a blank, almost content expression. There’s a brief moment of silence where that light starts to fade from Arin’s eyes, succumbing to the blood of the Damned.

“ _They will stare unbelieving at the last unicorn…_ ” He chokes on his words. The bat feels heavy in his hands. Too heavy.


	2. Alternate Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SweetieFiend and iamavacado requested an alternate ending, so here it is.

“Maybe we should leave,” Arin says with a great sigh. “I mean, they’re probably dead or something.”

“No.” Dan steps forward and messes with the knob. It’s locked. “I’m not giving up on you, man. The cure’s here, and we’re gonna find it.” With all the strength he can muster he rams into the door with his shoulder.

It doesn't budge.

“No,” he whispers. Then his voice grows louder. “No! This is not happening!”

“Dude,” Arin says softly, but Dan doesn’t listen to him.

Over and over he rams into the door. He can feel it creak and bend to his weight, but it just doesn’t want to budge. Why the hell won’t it give? He turns to Arin and pleads, “You gotta break it down. I can’t do it on my own.”

Defeat. It’s written all over Arin’s face. And there’s no way Dan can beg anymore. They’ve already lost.

“It’s over,” Arin whispers. “This place is a complete shithole. There’s no cure. I’m doomed, man.”

Dan feels numb. Even as Arin comes closer and presses his forehead into Dan’s shoulder, tears soaking the already ruined cloth there, he feels nothing. Actually, no. He almost wants to laugh. Because it’s just so _funny_ when hope is dangled in front of someone’s face, only to be snatched away. Pure gold.

He can hear Arin mumbling. Were those apologies? It didn’t matter. Whatever he was saying couldn’t save him.

And if Arin can’t be saved, then Dan can’t be either. He doesn’t have the black blood, no, but he might as well have it. From the very beginning their fates were so tightly woven together. All he can do now is ease Arin into the transformation.

But what then? Dan would die, no doubt. Either he’d be killed by his best friend or he would starve and waste away.

_Unless…_

“Hey, Arin,” Dan says, reaching a hand up to rub his back. “You really think we’re screwed?”

Arin pulls back. His eyes are grey, In fact, his whole face is. “Yeah,” his voice cracks as he speaks. “There’s just no way.”

Dan takes in a deep breath. “Okay. Hear me out. You’re not completely-” he makes an odd gesture with his hands- “ _you know_ , yet.”

“Yeah,” Arin agrees with a slow nod. “But who knows how long that’s going to last?”

“Exactly!” Dan steps closer and looks deep into Arin’s eyes. “And once you’re turned, I’m fucked. Actually, I’m already fucked. We’re on our last rations.”

“Where exactly are you going with this?”

The words get caught in Dan’s chest for a moment, then burst out without warning, “Infect me.”

Arin stares at him like he’s grown an extra head. “What? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Yes, he is. Even he knows it. Any other time he’d be so scared of becoming something less than human, something so vile, the very creature that’s been the cause of all this bullshit. But the circumstances are different. _He’s_ different.

“Look, man,” Dan explains, “I just… I dunno. There’s nothing else we can do.”

The bat weighs heavily in his hand. That’s not an option anymore. He drops and and nudges it away with his foot. Arin stares at him, disbelief written clearly on his face.

“I want to protect you,” Dan says after a long moment. This is something he’s been waiting to say forever. “I want to be there for you, make sure you’re okay, take care of you. No matter what you are.” He grabs Arin’s hand and places a kiss right on top of it. Like a fairy-tale prince.

“Dan,” Arin starts to say, but he gets cut off.

“I know it’s fucked up. But really, I’d rather spend whatever time we have left as a monster with you than die alone, you know?”

Arin’s lips set into a hard line. It’s obvious that he wants to argue, but he has no straws to grasp with. Several times he opens his mouth, only to close it and squeeze his eyes shut, like he’s wishing everything away.

“I love you, Arin,” Dan whispers. “Please, just let me do this.”

It doesn’t take much longer for Arin to crack.

“Fine. But only because I love you too.”

They come to an arrangement, deciding to spend their last completely human moments in each other's arms, sitting on the porch of their crushed hope. For once Arin does most of the talking, recalling fond memories of the past. Dan only chimes in to correct him or make little side-comments. It’s almost like they’re back home.

When Arin starts to look deathly ill, Dan asks, “Is it time?”

“Yeah,” Arin answers. There’s black fluid slowly running from the corner of his mouth. “I think so.”

Dan wets his chapped lips and scoots in closer. “So should I just…?”

Arin laughs softly. “Go for it.”

“Oh, jeez.” Dan laughs too. “I’m super nervous. What if-”

“Dude, you asked for this,” Arin cuts in, chiding him gently. “Just relax. Don’t, um… Don’t fight it, okay? It’ll hurt like hell, but I’ll be here. And once you’re done, I’ll, uh… Let go too, I guess.”

Slowly, so slowly, Dan moves in closer. The black fluid on Arin’s lips is still, almost expectant. Of course. But he doesn’t chicken out. Before he has the chance to, he kisses Arin, swiping his tongue along his lip to ask for entrance.

As their tongues slowly dance together, savoring what little time they have, Dan feels it. Something thick, acidic, sliding down his throat and spreading to every corner of his body. It starts off as a dull burn, then quickly escalates into a searing pain. His world fades before his eyes.

“Relax,” he hears Arin say in his ear, “Remember, don’t fight.”

“Hurts,” Dan mumbles, struggling to keep his eyes open. He can’t even tell where he is anymore. Who he is. But he knows Arin. He’ll always know him.

Arin shushes him. A hand strokes his hair. “You’re doing so well.”

It’s so comforting, the soft touches. But he feels dirty, so goddamn dirty. There’s slime in every vein, every artery. He wants it gone, gone, _gone_.

“You’re fighting too much. How about I sing you a song, okay? Your favorite one. Just fall asleep to it.”

Dan doesn’t know if he nods or shakes his head. But his body stills on its own once Arin starts singing for him.

_“When the last eagle flies over the last crumbling mountain...”_

“Ar…” His heart gives. It’s been pumping too much, it’s been loving too much, everything is just too much.

_“And the last lion roars at the last dusty fountain.”_

Hunger forms in his stomach. Insatiable hunger. He needs to eat. His body hurts. Especially his mouth. His teeth feel too big. Eyes feel too heavy.

_“In the shadow of the forest, though she may be old and worn.”_

Arin, Arin, Arin. He has to remember as he falls asleep, or he won’t remember when he wakes up. Protect Arin. Then kill. Eat. Fill his stomach. Protect Arin. Hold onto him. Don’t let go and don’t forget.

_“They will stare unbelieving at the last unicorn.”_

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspire by some lovely artwork by gh0sttunes of Tumblr.
> 
> http://gh0sttunes.tumblr.com/post/141405468630/gotta-save-my-friends-soul-youll-fix-the-broken


End file.
